YouTube

I am so addicted with YouTube. My addiction went up several notches when I found video clips of Dancing with the Stars and my favorite dancer, Cheryl Burke and her partner, Emmitt Smith, retired Dallas Cowboy football player. Who would think that a hunky football player can sway his hips and move effortlessly on the dance floor LIKE THAT!

Check out this out as they dance the samba:

November

It has been almost 6 months. I didn't think I will be writing again. Six months is a long time. A lot happened since May. The most important of which are:

1. I am back working for HQ!
2. I went to Virginia and New York to meet the new teachers with Roly!
3. I attended a mini-reunion with my high school classmates at Laguna Niguel!
4. I got Los Angeles USD!

The exclamation point at the end of each sentence implies how each event made a huge, significant mark in my golden life. And I guess I will be writing more about each in future posts.

*****

Monica just had her birthday. She is now 23. When she invited me to go out to window shop with her, I knew it was going to be an uneventful day for her. I immediately agreed to keep her company - for most of the day. I treated her to coffee and cheesecake (!!!) at B&N. I know she loved that. She asked her dad to cook monggo for her :) and Roly obliged. I wish I had more to give to her. She is such a sweet child, she works and studies hard. If I could only wrap the moon and the stars for her, give her someone who could love her and whom she could love with uninhibited passion :) I remember asking EQ if there is someone good enough for our daughters. And she said she found one for hers! I pray mine will find someone soon. I feel she is missing out on loving and being loved. Seems I already wrote this in my previous posts. I must remember what my Mama used to say - "Be careful what you wish for!" :)

Changes

A lot of changes are happening in my life now. First, my new job. I haven’t really sunk my teeth into it but I figured I will start to get cases when we move to our new cubicles at the south side of the building. They said this will happen next week. So that will be another change scheduled next week.

We are called maintenance programmers. So we tweak the programs already developed and installed at the banks to “fix” bugs or add features. I started looking at programs that I will get to tweak. Some formats are familiar but all are scary and I honestly do not know if I could get to set my mind on “learning mode” again.

Waking up at 5am is another thing I need to get used to. I lose track of time in the evenings when I send out emails to teachers. Before I know it, it is close to midnight already. If I want to stay up on my toes in the morning, I need to be asleep by 10pm. Trouble is I find it hard to sleep thinking of emails unanswered, schools that need follow up. My mind is so active! I used to sleep after 12 midnight and wake up at 7am. Now, I try to sleep at 10, ends up sleeping at 12 and wakes up to my alarm clock at 5am! It does not help that the sun still has to shine when I wake up.

Being an American corporation, I talk to my officemates in English. Ahhh English. Why, why, why did we not have English as our first language? Anyway, having it as our second language is better than not having used and learned it in school at all. I feel that I have more to express when talking in Tagalog. I don’t know about others but I think in Tagalog, process that in my brain to form English sentences before I speak in English. Sometimes, I grope for words and substitute words with either hand gestures or facial expressions

And hubby is coming home. For good. Both of us did good while apart. We should do good when together. A lot of adjustments will come my way as I know he hates my caloric and cholesterol-upping cooking. My TV watching times will change. My whole home schedule will change!!! But change is "the window through which the future enters your life." So I say ... BRING IT ON!

The Secret for Having it All ..

.. is LOVING it all.

I heard this on TV yesterday. I am sometimes amazed at how messages like these come to me like "Someone" is talking to me. Like that billboard by the church on my way to work which said - "Stop doubting and start believing." - just at that time when I was at a loss. I believe that if we become sensitive to things around us, rather than being self - absorbed, we can quickly get out of the rut that we are in.

I never had a job that I did not like. Is it because I only do what I like to do? I don't think so. Unknowingly, when I get a job, in time, I prop up a pillow, relax and just enjoy what I am doing. Now, I can say that I have it all. I am not that content to stop aiming for more but while working for that aim, I am blissfully happy. Because like they say, happiness is a decision.

April 25

At first, I turned in my resume for self-gratification. Will someone still be interested in hiring me? A greying hair 50 year old, knotty knees (among others), sagging cheeks (among others) ... and in that field that seem to never stop reinventing itself - information technology? I was called for interview the very day Marco gave my resume to his boss. After they called me for a second interview, I felt I got the job.

Then I started thinking about how to break it to my boss. I spent a lot of sleepless nights just thinking how she would react. She gave me everything. EVERYTHING. To top all of those - she is a friend. A friend who gave me a free trip to Vegas just because. A friend who gave me anti-aging and such other goodies because she felt I was depressed. A friend I can share my kolokoy fantasies with and not be afraid that she will look at me differently. A friend who listens and hears what I cannot say. She is all these and more.

JHA will expose me to corporate America again. Tougher and unforgiving. But it will also give me stability. Never in my dreams did I think I will ever land a job with a company as big as JHA. I am humbled. God is good. He always is. He gave me this for a reason.

I already talked to my boss. I cannot read how she is taking this. I pray I did not hurt her, the most wonderful creature I ever had the chance to meet. She did not see this coming. Neither did I. But it is coming. This is BIG. I am again enumerating all Saints I can remember ...

Before I knew anything else, I knew how it felt to be loved.

That was what was in front of the card that Migo, Nica and Noy gave me. Inside, this:


And I do not need anything else.

Turning Gold

I will give my officemates a lunch treat. As usual, Baging with throw a candle blowing ritual as a sideshow. My children and I will have a fancy dinner at one of the fine dining restaurants somewhere downtown. We promised to dress up a little, for posterity :) Nica is paying for my full body massage at one of the spas on Saturday.

I am turning 50. I feel a sense of purpose as I wrote that. I am thinking about my parents and I am scared. I need to send them my balikbayan box. Papa will will love the boxing magazines, the thinly sliced almonds, the shavers. Mama will love the canned goods, soap bars, toothpastes, olive oil, the towels and bedsheets. I need to go home soon. I need to do more. Live, love, laugh more!! Things will run in fast-forward pace from now on. I hope I can keep up with me.

Got Lucky

Last March 6, Evelyn, Jombit and I went to Topeka. There, while absorbing the lighthearted bantering around me, I know I got lucky! Our contacts in Topeka are different. They SEE us :) Their hugs are warmer, their "hellos" and "see yahs" more sincere. Somehow I feel they are a bunch that we could have a relationship with outside of business. I see it happening already. Oh what a blessing!

We had lunch at the bar/restaurant of Vicki. I had chicken strips and Vicki got crazy at how conventional, everyday and ho-hum my choice was! We saw the house that Vicki was planning to buy. It was right at the corner where her restaurant is, near a bus stop and a big school. She plans to rent it out to the teachers coming in August. That will make my job a lot easier.

Marianne arrived after 2pm and we immediately went out to visit schools. When we got back, we met with their HR Manager and their Superintendent. No superintendent ever sat down for a meeting with us!!! I am glad I brought a camera with me.

After the meeting, we arranged to meet with Gloria for dinner. In the meantime, we went with Marianne to the bed and breakfast inn she booked for the night. The inn was sitting on a corner lot and it was colored fuchsia!! There were dry vines on most part of building. It might have looked good in summer but at that time, just as the sun was coming down, it looked spooky. Entrance was at the back and when we got there (it was a little past 5pm), the doors were locked. Beside the locked door was a sign "The Witch is Out". Marianne knocked and tried to see through the windows. In a few minutes, a car arrived and a woman stepped out. Marianne asked "Are you the witch?" And the woman answered, "That's me!" We went inside and I noticed about 15 coats hanging on the hallway leading to the receiving area. I remember the stench ... like the coats were just worn by people who were profusely sweating. While Marianne and the witch :) talked about the front door safety code and meal times, Evelyn and I found ourselves into a room which the "witch" said was the favorite room rented for weddings. The room was stuffed with old ornaments, colored dark blue. Chairs, carpet, curtains, jars .. dark blue. At the corner was a piano that was playing by itself. A creepy picture as light from the sun was slowly fading from the window. Then the "witch" brought us to 4 rooms and Marianne chose which room she liked. It was then when we found out that there were no other guests in the house!! So whose coats were those hanging near the receiving area? I told Marianne that they were owned by guests just like her who never checked out! Honestly!! We had a riot thinking that when the witch told her that dessert will be ready when she gets back from dinner, it was actually Marianne who will be THE dessert! Hahahaha .... Needless to say, Marianne later on decided to sleep in Kansas City.

We were joined by Gloria and her husband for dinner. It was uneventful but the food was lovely!!! We dined at one of the upscale restaurants - Jul's Grille.

Going back from Topeka to Springfield, something happened to Evelyn's car. It lost its power. Something just stopped working. Jombit felt there was something wrong with the car so he quickly exited from the highway and found a hotel. Hampton Inn. We stayed overnight at the hotel. Slept like a baby. In the morning, Evelyn told us what made the car stall - the witch. MWAHAHAHA!!!

La la la la la .... We're Going to Topeka!!

I just confirmed we are going to Topeka to meet the "team to beat" and attend their meeting with CHF. This will be on Monday. I hope I do not disappoint them. Somehow I feel that Nanna and Manang Eve described me in superlatives and I know I cannot measure up. I just hope everything will run smoothly.

Responsibility

Responsibility rests heavily on my shoulders where my extended family is concerned. That being my parents and my siblings. Being the eldest, being the only one with a stable job, being the only sane sibling (I think!), being the only one that they can ridiculously and shamelessly ask for anything from. ANYTHING! They know that I love them so much I will ultimately back down and give it to them. I guess this is the reason why I was chosen by GOD to be in this position. To have something to give. To have the wisdom to understand family dynamics ... whatever that means :)

Today, my brother struck a motorcycle while driving to work and the driver needs operation. This is the kind of emergency I wanted to save up for. I know they have no one else to depend on but me. I always hear "God will provide". I also hear "God helps those who help themselves." Am I helping my family too much that they do not work hard anymore to deserve the help from God? *Sigh* I sometimes think I am just rationalizing my thoughts on NOT helping anymore. But like I said, I will back down ... Help will be on its way.

Cold Days and Nights

Since December, I have not been going out to the malls or to the movies or dining out. So from the office, I go straight home. I am not complaining because it is still cold outside and by staying in, I save a lot. I made this list of what I do or know or have, now that I stay-in all nights of the week and all weekends:

1. I still sleep late (2am) and wake up early (7am).
2. I read a lot of stuff from the internet. The Olympics, the issues on foreign teacher recruiting, news from the Philippines.
3. On the Olympics, I believe that Lindsey Jacobellis showboated and did a fancy move when she saw she was way ahead to make the gold medal for the snowboarding event. It cost her the gold. And she said she wanted to change the "punk" image of snowboarders? Now tell that to the Marines! I adore the humility of Seth Wescott (snowboarder) and quiet regality of Michelle Kwan. I took a quiz on the Torino Olympics site and I aced it! That tells you how glued I am to TV and the internet.
4. Foreign teacher recruiting has been receiving a lot of flak from teacher unions and self-righteous reporters. They say that they are saddened that US public schools are hiring foreign teachers whose primary goals are just to earn dollars. And Americans do not have that same mind-set? The reason why the public schools are having a difficult time filling up their teacher vacancies is because teacher's salaries are not attractive by American standards. Hence, very few Americans make teaching their career.

5. I suddenly miss scriptwriting. I started a storyline and finished it in a flash! It is a love story of course :) I am starting to wonder if I can have a novel published. Hmmmm ....

So who says housewives just watch trashy talk shows and soaps?

Shifting ...

Have you ever felt like you were standing on loose sand and it is giving way under you and you thought you already sunk so so low that you are ready to draw your last breath? This is one of those days.

Then and Now

My high school batch is planning a reunion. One of the highlights of our reunion is a powerpoint presentation of our THEN and NOW pictures.

Wonder if my new hairdo fits me? :)

High School 1973

Late last year, I became part of an egroup, my batchmates in high school. This started a series of events that led me to my frequent trips down memory lane. It is interesting to note that I have admittedly become forgetful but there are just some things that stick to your memory. Like when you hear an old song from centuries ago and you start to sing along with it. The lyrics are there engraved in your head and you don't even know it.

Through this egroup, I arranged to meet Bambi while I was in California last November. She was my neighbor in Cebu at one time, aside from being my classmate. The last time I saw her was 33 yeas ago, after we graduated from high school. 33 years!!! It was good that Roly readily agreed to drive me up to Crockett, a 1.5 hour drive from Sacramento. Bambi's house is sooo idyllic. It sits on top of a mountain and everything was so serene. Our tight hug bridged all the years we did not see each other and said so much about how we missed each other.

Yesterday, Evelyn sent me text "Dining with your best friend". I replied "My Tonette?" and Eve texted back - "Call me". When Evelyn answered my call she said "She is not yours anymore. She is now MY Tonette." Their meeting came about because of this same egroup.

It is a nice feeling. Thinking two of my very good friends getting together. I told Monica about how I hope both discover each other's geniune hearts. Not many of my batchmates know that Ma'am Evelyn is my boss. She owns the company that I work for here in the US. Monica said she knows how beautiful Evelyn's heart is because her daughter has it too. Isn't that amazing? Our only daughters are busom buddies. They share the same interests: Borders and Barnes and Noble, running, dancing, and sharing insights about relationships, like they have tasted heartbreak after heartbreak!

Nit. My Tonette. My high school bestfriend. Our paths always crossed. If there is one person, outside of my family, that made the most influence my life, she is the one. My love for reading, dancing, romancing ... heheheh. I am the godmother of her eldest child, Anna, though I do not even know if she knows this (I am such a bad godmother!) . Tonette became my best friend when we were in grade 5, I think. Now, Tonette is an accomplished woman. VP of Academics of the Ateneo de Manila University, and studied and got her master and doctorate degree in Belgium. Wow! Years ago, Tonette met Charo's brother at one gathering. She asked for Charo's email address and they started writing to each other. Soon, Charo started writing to me. It was through Charo that I got here in the US. She hooked me up with Evelyn, who was looking for programmers at that time.

Charo is another story. We were close in high school but we became really really close when we started pre-nursing in USC. I cannot forget how my heart bled for her, hearing her controlled sobs while she asked questions that I can only answer with a hug. She was at one of her lowest moments at that time, just about a week after I arrived in the US. I cannot forget her allowing me to use her Jeep for practice driving and her patience in teaching me how to drive. At one time, she asked me to stop because I nearly hit a car as I merged into a busy highway. When I failed to stop, she slapped my leg and said "What part of stop don't you understand?" Very Charo-like :)

Evelyn said we will leaf through our high school annual book - Semper Paratus when she comes back from the Philippines. I am sure it will be another fun ride down memory lane.

Celebration Time

December is celebration time. A celebration of dreams fulfilled. A celebration of new hopes for the coming year. It is a celebration of family and friends. Of life and love. Of gracefully letting go of things not meant for us. Of believing ... again. And it is this celebratory mood that I am displaying in the pictures below.

This was taken at our Company Christmas Party last December 17. Me with my children.

Taken at Marta's wedding - Dec 24.

Taken at Christmas eve, just before we opened our gifts.











Grand time with friends taken a day before new year's eve at home.